Pilar's Blog

What it's like today

  
 
I feel the most exquisite power. Extreme clarity.
Certainty. 
A potent delivery of all my dreams. 
An irrefutable lack of doubt. 
Every fiber in me knowing I have arrived. 
No effort. 
Finally, truly,
Completely. 
Feels so grand. 
None of that " well for now". No. Fuck you. This is for always. 
You see I'm not afraid of shadow or difficulty or the confrontation in bas relief. I welcome it. But nothing can stop this manifesting reality that I have been PRO ACTIVELY PURSUING for 36 years 5 months and  one day 
And all the non conscious days before that. 
Right next door to all that is the loss of something - a favourite something- a something I never wanted to lose. So the only way not to lose it is to love it beyond all measure and at the same time step into the this new life that has been calling me - forever   
ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!
I Am an emotional Olympian. 
Over this life, more than a few astrologers told me that I would, in my later years, become a legend. I feel the truth of that. I always thought it would be for singing - something to do with music. But now I see it's for the true science experiment that I am. Its for the extravagant achievement as a human being that I will be acclaimed. Because I had what it took to arrive. To get it right. 
The smarts, the vision,
The strength, the emotional access. The direct connect to divine. 
This love for my human self.

 

GOODNESS GRACIOUS

I feel so excited about my life. I can feel wondrous things coming. Personally and professionally.

I turn 62 tomorrow and am more filled with love and enthusiasm than I have ever been. In ANY lifetime. Yes, I am one of those...

I feel the irrefutable sense of having been here before. The visceral, cellular memory of life in a body.

Wow!

I feel a joyous focus, and purpose and, fun.

I was recently wondering why I am so into harnessing the business of my music. Why NOW?  When for DECADES I couldn't do it if my life had depended on it. 

How I wanted everyone else to do it for me. What an ego trip. My higher self knew I needed to stay away from the limelight - that I would not be able to move through my emotional/spiritual/sexual/financial healing if I HAD gone on the Johhny Carson show. But it was still difficult in the moment - year after year. Decade after decade.  Wondering if I was ever going to be able, at a larger level, to share my love through music. Not to mention having to figure out a way to stay and become even more vocally relevant. WHEW!  Muy Dificil! And as a songwriter. And to stay physically fit. And be the little Mystic I truly am.  Especially in the face of a culture that doesn't want to grow old. And a musical business that does not want me even to mention my age. When the very reason why I am feeling this lovely empowerment NOW is exactly because of my age.

It's not hard to be fabulous at 20 or 35. Or even 45. But 50 and beyond - Whew! - whatever beauty and sensuality and kindness you have is because you had better have TRULY INTERNALIZED IT. 

More on all this later. DUH!

Thank you for listening,

                              Pilar

 

Who The Hell Knew?

I am in Houston  -  As In Texas! - and it is Hot!Hot in way I've never been around. Ever. Hot with a depletion quota higher than I could imagine. But even more shocking for me is getting used to sea level. It took me years finally to grasp the reality of Rocky Mountain Altitude. But surprisingly - just as challenging is learning how to sing with full oxygen.  Till now, I've been such a healing homebody that I haven't had the pleasure and mystery of all these different places.

Anyway, the songs are pouring through and I am now taking a role in my music on the BUSINESS level. Something I avoided for decades. Now, I am taking one baby step after another to get EVERY song I've ever sung on my Website Store (with a photo), to meet new collaborators, to sing and perform with new love and freshness, and to look for Representation.  The right  people for me. I feel ready for something very new and exciting.

      Thanks for listening,

                                 Pilar