Pilar's blog

What it's like today

  
 
I feel the most exquisite power. Extreme clarity.
Certainty. 
A potent delivery of all my dreams. 
An irrefutable lack of doubt. 
Every fiber in me knowing I have arrived. 
No effort. 
Finally, truly,
Completely. 
Feels so grand. 
None of that " well for now". No. Fuck you. This is for always. 
You see I'm not afraid of shadow or difficulty or the confrontation in bas relief. I welcome it. But nothing can stop this manifesting reality that I have been PRO ACTIVELY PURSUING for 36 years 5 months and  one day 
And all the non conscious days before that. 
Right next door to all that is the loss of something - a favourite something- a something I never wanted to lose. So the only way not to lose it is to love it beyond all measure and at the same time step into the this new life that has been calling me - forever   
ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!
I Am an emotional Olympian. 
Over this life, more than a few astrologers told me that I would, in my later years, become a legend. I feel the truth of that. I always thought it would be for singing - something to do with music. But now I see it's for the true science experiment that I am. Its for the extravagant achievement as a human being that I will be acclaimed. Because I had what it took to arrive. To get it right. 
The smarts, the vision,
The strength, the emotional access. The direct connect to divine. 
This love for my human self.

 

GOODNESS GRACIOUS

I feel so excited about my life. I can feel wondrous things coming. Personally and professionally.

I turn 62 tomorrow and am more filled with love and enthusiasm than I have ever been. In ANY lifetime. Yes, I am one of those...

I feel the irrefutable sense of having been here before. The visceral, cellular memory of life in a body.

Wow!

I feel a joyous focus, and purpose and, fun.

I was recently wondering why I am so into harnessing the business of my music. Why NOW?  When for DECADES I couldn't do it if my life had depended on it. 

How I wanted everyone else to do it for me. What an ego trip. My higher self knew I needed to stay away from the limelight - that I would not be able to move through my emotional/spiritual/sexual/financial healing if I HAD gone on the Johhny Carson show. But it was still difficult in the moment - year after year. Decade after decade.  Wondering if I was ever going to be able, at a larger level, to share my love through music. Not to mention having to figure out a way to stay and become even more vocally relevant. WHEW!  Muy Dificil! And as a songwriter. And to stay physically fit. And be the little Mystic I truly am.  Especially in the face of a culture that doesn't want to grow old. And a musical business that does not want me even to mention my age. When the very reason why I am feeling this lovely empowerment NOW is exactly because of my age.

It's not hard to be fabulous at 20 or 35. Or even 45. But 50 and beyond - Whew! - whatever beauty and sensuality and kindness you have is because you had better have TRULY INTERNALIZED IT. 

More on all this later. DUH!

Thank you for listening,

                              Pilar

 

Who The Hell Knew?

I am in Houston  -  As In Texas! - and it is Hot!Hot in way I've never been around. Ever. Hot with a depletion quota higher than I could imagine. But even more shocking for me is getting used to sea level. It took me years finally to grasp the reality of Rocky Mountain Altitude. But surprisingly - just as challenging is learning how to sing with full oxygen.  Till now, I've been such a healing homebody that I haven't had the pleasure and mystery of all these different places.

Anyway, the songs are pouring through and I am now taking a role in my music on the BUSINESS level. Something I avoided for decades. Now, I am taking one baby step after another to get EVERY song I've ever sung on my Website Store (with a photo), to meet new collaborators, to sing and perform with new love and freshness, and to look for Representation.  The right  people for me. I feel ready for something very new and exciting.

      Thanks for listening,

                                 Pilar

Almost Gone From Here, For Now

So I'm almost gone from here. For now.
Music calls.
The Flood devastation is beginning to subside, but only because the human spirit is indomitable - not because it isn't still depressing and overwhelming.
How do you rebuild earth?

The universe brought me to Glen Haven.
For so many reasons.
The Power Vortex of these Rocky Mountains. The animals, the silence.
The immense solitude.
For love. For passion.
To be around people who are kind and grounded and not after fame.
It crashed Pilar  into the earth.
It crashed me into the the purely physical and practical.
Things that heretofore had not had much of my regard or respect.
I Didn't really understand the practical world.
Savings accounts and plumbing. Now I would rather look at lag bolts than shop for clothing.
Had no idea there was SO much for me to learn.
Anyway now, I feel like the most blessed girl in the world.
A little musical mystic who lives mucking and designing road base on the new driveway. And now I get to go play in LA with wonderful musical beings.
Wow.
I'll be in touch.
Thanks for listening.

        Pilar

Weirdest, Coolest Thing Ever

Weirdest,
Coolest
thing ever -happened tonight in the LA studio, Innersound.
I was doing the third take on a song called
NO OTHER SOUL
and I came upon this last kick ass line where I just improv and tear down the mountain of it and when I reached for it -I swear to God my voice changed the key a half step higher ON ITS ABSOLUTE OWN ACCORD.
Physically, it's because
for the last 3 months I've been training in my studio in Colorado AT ALTITUDE!!!
Hard fucking work
to sing with only 75% of your normal oxygen.
So my voice just modulated up a half step because it wanted to - and at sea level...it could.
I love singing so much - it tickles me. Like a sexy massage.

    Thanks for listening,

       Pilar

More On Art Versus Life

OK
 
I know you need food to eat
And $ to pay your bills and buy hay for your horse.
I get it
I get it
I GET IT
 
the practical world rules cause
We Are On The Phucking Physical Plane
 
But still...
 
If I lived in a shack it would be the most beautiful and sweetly organized shack
 
If I knew nothing about music and did not have an iPhone that carries ALL my tracks, I would still have sung almost every day of my life. I still would have searched out people whose senses were heightened.
Whose hearts were open. People,places,and animals who lived with emotional courage and intellectual phantasmagoria!
 
People who had to risk.
People who HAVE to risk.
 
Bringing together that much passion, pragmatism, and integrity is the work and joy of my life.
 
No matter how scary
 
Thanks for listening,
 
-Pilar

Art Wins

In the battle between life and art art wins I am a green leaf Though I need the earth in which to plant...... I lean I lean I lean toward the sun Music is my sun Creativity is my galaxy I think in deepest truth, If I could not live the creative life I would prefer not to incarnate Thanks for listening, Pilar

Time Off...

Can't blog right now. In the middle of the "art is more important than life VERSUS life is more important than art" debate. Stay tuned....... Thank you for listening Pilar

Surreal LA!

Talk about an exciting and somewhat surreal experience. I’m in LA in the studio editing and normalizing over a hundred tunes. That is so when I put them up on the webstore they will have nice fade ins & outs and be all the same volume. Now, that’s a lot work for sure, culling through hundreds of live and studio songs. But that’s not what is surreal. It’s listening to me. To the evolution of my singing and songwriting over more than thirty years. That is intense and poignant. And very moving. thank YOU for listening, Pilar

Snow, Snow, Snow!

I love snow. It makes everything go inside - and quiet. And deep creative thoughts begin to happen at an overwhelming rate of speed. The mystic in me becomes heightened. Songs - tons of song ideas. Love and intimacy. Skin. New recording mic dreams. Tree planting dreams - Webstore and website dreams - and visions of my beautiful Elephant Rock Studios - complete - in the high colour of summer. Quiet dreams (like Corcovado) of putting together a band playing all the jazz tunes I adore. And going to LA and recording all my new tunes. The tunes that pour through me here in the Rockies. !!!!!!! Wow I love it when it snows. And then- when it’s quiet enough - for long enough- you start to wonder. Is anything happening. Will any of these dreams come true? And just like the moon when she disappears……… And you wonder…… And you miss her…. And you wonder… and she comes back. That’s how my dreams come true Thanks for listening, Pilar

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